I wonder how many of my LinkedIn readers are well prepared?! Burial or cremation? You may have a clear preference, but have you made it clear which, together with any particular details (for example, the form it should take, where and who should be involved)?
In my experience as an ordained minister in the Church of England, so much pressure is taken off the grieving family if they are able to arrange the ceremony exactly as their loved one would have wanted it. All of this will be made much easier by sitting down with the family and discussing things with them in advance, if they are open to it, so that what’s in your Letter of Wishes will come as no surprise. And do make sure to leave your current Letter of Wishes with your Will – it can always be updated from time to time, perhaps as your thinking develops, again to be discussed with the family.
You may want to leave details of your preferred funeral directors. Perhaps you will have appointed them beforehand. Indeed, I strongly recommend that you establish a relationship with them while living. It is curious that there is no requirement for regulation of funeral directors and you should ensure that those you choose belong to either the National Association of Funeral Directors or the National Society of Allied and Independent Funeral Directors.
Funeral costs are traditionally horrendously expensive and many people take out a funeral plan in advance. But, to ensure that your money is safe, the provider should be regulated by The Financial Conduct Authority (FCA).
My late mother embraced life with both generosity and passion – while at the same time she was a force to be reckoned with and indeed a bit of a wheeler dealer. Her untrammelled enthusiasm for new ideas led to her involvement in quite a number of business enterprises. These included an eco-cardboard coffin start-up business where you could have an illustration of your choice on your coffin and keep it under your bed to be whipped out when needed! We were surprised (and, indeed, rather relieved) when she did eventually die to find that she had forgotten to arrange one for herself.
I should note that, while your family will value a Letter of Wishes as suggested, it may be important to give them a discretion or power of choice to vary what you have set down, so that they can achieve what is right on the day in all the circumstances – which it may not have been possible for you to envisage in advance. In particular, the family do need to be able to decide what is the right shape of the day for them.
One (almost essential) thing to remember with both a funeral and a memorial service is, wherever possible, arranging live streaming for the benefit of those who are unable to make it.
And then there’s the reception afterwards: where and what form might it take? The good news is that the costs, along with those of the funeral directors, are deductible for Inheritance Tax purposes, so long as they are ‘reasonable’.
